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We are the disease, we are the cure

Science covers everything,

From star domes, to chromosomes, to how your family builds their homes

And with all the propaganda ya hear, about the decaying atmosphere

Its redundant to go and turn a blind eye, when we can slip the blindfold and just defy

Is it so important to cling to a lie, while youre watching your planet die

You know you gotta stay thinking green, keep your mother planet clean

Kids actin too cool to care, throwin cigarette butts everywhere

While we consumed by tax deductions, japans got volcanoes erupting

Yeah, you wanna breath? You gonna need those trees

Cause right now, we all a disease

Nature is beautiful and science is too

The times come to stand up, and do what we need to do

Hey to all of you out there. Some of you have kind of gotten to know me for quite some time, reading whatever I happen to throw at this journal. If you're new, you could have picked a better moment to intervene but that is okay. Stick around until you get bored.

I don't know how many of you know this or have caught on but I have a chronic case of MDD, or Major Depressive Disorder. Sometimes it is nearly nonexistent and others incredibily severe. Sometimes I forget I have it. Other times I feel like my mind is diseased and some type of negativity has hijacked my entire body, soul, brain, everything. It's like I can't escape and my every hope is held hostage to this angry, irritable, terrifying I don't know if it is a person, side of my self, glitch, or a kind of a virus that just gets control when my system is vulnerable.

But it shows me terrifying things.  Things I could do to myself. Images of death, gore, dying, decay, any image that you would be shocked at on a film screen suddenly becomes native to my own mind. I can't get out. It takes away my every word and speaks terrible, terrible things for me. It pushes people away and I just break down.

Normally I am incredibly motivated. It cuts me off at the knees. The only thought that is my own, the only part of me that is left during this captive struggle is Jesus just let me die, let me die. I want to fucking die already. There is no hope in life. Everything is gray at best, black at worst.

Everything about me is to fault. I'm suspicious of others and know they will let me down or put me down or show me something incredibly faulty about myself. Everybody has a gun and I am a target and a villain, all at the same time. I can't get close to anybody, anything. I can't speak, can't think. I can just stare at the computer screen.

I feel like I am losing my ever-loving mind and any moments of sanity or rationale are fleeting. I try to call to myself, try to get rid of the shadow eclipsing my soul and emerge from the black waters filling my lungs and the pressure and gravity destroying every attempt at saving myself. I just get heavier and heavier and I know there is a black hole at the bottom of that ocean and I always make it above water and to shore. But every time I get closer to sinking into that hole and I know one day it is going to happen. One day it's going to swallow me and that will be the point beyond no return. I'll drown and the only thing that will be left of me will be a body and a shadow of myself. And even now I feel that shadow just behind me, beginning to wash over my heels. And I'm terrified of it and frantically trying to escape it and so tired that I'm surrendering to it, all at the same time.

And to me that is death. Death isn't the death of your body. That's just a machine shutting down. That's just a body that has stopped working. But when the soul gives in, when it sinks and drowns, that's a terrible death, a death I feel more and more every day of my fucking life. I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't even know that girl that was smiling yesterday, who was successful, who was everything I'm not. She had people fooled. I'm just a shadow.

State of the mind

Ive never felt such a will to live
Happiness is just a state of the mind
Self respect and esteem combined
accept yourself for once in your life
Live a little and remove the knife
You don't need him to tell you to smile
Sense he left you been smiling all the while
I feel like I've been suffocating for years
And the man with the pillow is all of my fears
Keep swimming to the surface cause you've been under too long
why the fuck are you drowning, you know you're too strong
You could never be more beautiful to me
and understand that love is free
Нашлось в заметках у френдов вконтакте
(копирайт в конце - да):

 Аля Кудряшова - "Звали его Иешуа".

Иван Pauk_FloYD Смирнов сегодня в 17:50
И ты, вероятно, спросишь: какого лешего?
А я отвечу пафосно: было нужно.
Ну, в общем, кажется, звали его Иешуа,
Мы пили красное поздней ночью из чайных кружек.

И он как-то очень свежо рассуждал о политике
И все твердил: мол, нужна любовь и не надо власти.
И вдруг сказал: "Ты уж не сочти меня нытиком,
Но я устал, понимаешь, устал ужасно.

Стигматы ноют от любых перемен погоды,
И эти ветки терновые к черту изгрызли лоб.
Или вот знаешь, летом полезешь в воду,
И по привычке опять по воде - шлеп-шлеп...

Ну что такое. ей-богу. разнылся сдуру.
Что ж я несу какою-то ерунду?!
... Я просто... не понимаю, за что я умер?
За то, чтобы яйца красили раз в году?

О чем я там, на горе, битый день долдонил?
А, что там, без толку, голос вот только сорвал.
Я, знаешь ли, чертов сеятель - вышел в поле,
Да не заметил сослепу - там асфальт.

И видишь ведь, ничего не спас, не исправил,
А просто так, как дурак, повисел на кресте.
Какой, скажи, сумасшедший мне врач поставил
Неизлечимо-смертельный диагноз - любить людей?"

Он сел, обхватив по-детски руками колени,
И я его гладила по спутанным волосам.
Мой сероглазый мальчик, ни первый ты, ни последний,
Кто так вот, на тернии грудью, вдруг понял сам,

Что не спросил, на крест взбираясь, а надо ли?
(У сероглазых мальчиков, видимо, это в крови).
... А город спит, обернувшись ночной прохладою,
И ты один - по колено в своей любви. (с)

Новинка! Газ на лодку!

СТО Вип газ первыми в Киеве установили газ на лодку. Теперь Вы можете экономить не только за рулем своего авто, но и наслаждаясь живописными приднепровскими барегами...
Если у Вас есть лодка, или Вы планируете ее покупку, то не раз задумывались над тем каким образом сократить расход топлива, который достаточно велик. На сегодняшний день технология установки газа на транспортное средство развивается быстрыми темпами. Газ можно установить на абсолютно любое транспортное средство.

Установка ГБО

Hope, Change, Believe

The fish
Out at sea
here On land
or just in this world

they see

the fish they do
they see

the men
they eat the fish

men eat the fish



Know Your Enemies

The friend of my friend
is my friend, aye?

The enemy of my friend
is my enemy. Right?

But the friend of my enemy




(contort, stretch) "Braaaaaaains!"
(deep breath) "Braaaaaaains!"
(stretch and now reach) "Braaaaaaains!"

Profitless Prophets

Profitless Prophets

You say that you are a prophet,
but you don't write anything.
You say that you are a hero,
but you don't accept His salvation:

How long will you call
the name of JAH in vain?
How long will you wander
the Earth like a mon-ster?

You're no man-star,
You're a mon-ster;
a bloody mon-ster,
a broken mon-ster.

Yet, I do not condemn you,
for Jesus Christ came to save us.

Yet, I will not abide
with a mon-ster at my side.

I Wish I Was a Girl in a Bikini

I wish I was a girl in a bikini.
Then I could
lay on the beach
and read.

All day.

I would read at
the library,
but their
shirt and shoes policy
is prejudiced
against a
girl in a bikini.

What else is there
to do for a
girl in a bikini
but read.

On the beach.

In my bikini.